Co-op Radio. For deaf people everywhere

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 21 Dec 2016, 20:00

Oh Lori always makes me think of summertime, not winter. It's in the lyrics. But as you say, the computer doesn't care what season it is.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 22 Dec 2016, 06:55

Indeed. The pound shop Hawkings at Mood Media have toggled box next to 'slightly but not intensely bore shoppers' with' Sir Eltons' cover of the old Dixie Cups' 'Chapel Of Love' which has the first line 'Spring is here, the sky is blue' just before the winter solstice.

That is no less than 8 apostrophes in that sentence.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 27 Dec 2016, 19:03

Was working today and yesterday (Boxing Day) and it seems that what paltry offering of Christmas songs offered have stopped. One out of ten, Mood Media, that one solitary mark is just for at least making the bl00dy effort to play some sort of seasonal music despite the unpopularity and obscurity of material offered.

We're getting absolutely no speech yesterday and today, the jingles are still going that tell us 'across the UK, you're listening to Co-Operative radio, with Dan and Lindsay/Gary Wilson' (delete as appropriate) but no recorded contributions from Dan, Lindsay, Lucy or Gary telling us of useful/essential in-store offers and health eating tips - along with not-so-useful trivia that they erroneously believe to be news, such as David Beckham going for a wee or something. The station is computerised and all the announcements are pre-recorded, so I don't get why they've banished Britain's favourite humanoids for the duration?

A lovely fitting tribute to George Michael today on Co-Op Radio, we had 'Faith', well some daft R&B cover of it anyway. And the Bee Gees' 'Jive Talkin'' from 1975, which Mr.Michael sang on as part of Boogie Box High twelve years later and post-Wham! Mood have managed to wangle themselves a bargain price on some of the Gibbs' back catalogue, which is why we're getting 'Tragedy' almost every day. Look for the positive buoyances floating in the sea of negativity. I'm sure George would have done the same. RIP GM.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 28 Dec 2016, 17:08

Perhaps the presenters are on charge somewhere until the new year?
Poor GM: the vultures are picking the carcass despite him being such a good person.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 28 Dec 2016, 18:22

In-store offers back today, we now have at least one for cheesecake, perfect 'if you've had too much Christmas pudding and looking for something light for a New Year party'. Personally, I love the Co-Op's own brand of New Yorkie, it's cheap AND tastes lovely and creamy and you can put whatever soft fruits you want as a topping, so you can indeed have your cheesecake and eat it. Try it. Or in your dreams you might find yourself being chased down the street by a giant alien cheesecake.......

Talking of pun and games, we had a three minute pap song by a group calling themselves....wait for it....The Alphabeat. What a brilliant piece of wordplay that is!

We also had 'American Boy' by British singer/rapper Estelle but without the best bit (''YOOOOO-KAAAAY, Ribena, I know what you're drinking'' as rapped by James Corden and Sheridan Smith in an episode of Gavin and Stacey). Mood have a habit of playing heavily abridged versions of pop songs, even cut radio edits. They do it with Two Tribes/Frankie, but for me it's like going for half a wee instead of a complete one. There is no entertainment value in half a song.

And then...the pimple on the proverbial nose, Robbie Williams re-working of a nursery rhyme about the Great Plague...as soon as I heard this, I concluded that as far as popular music goes, Jim Morrison has it right on the head:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSUIQgEVDM4

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 30 Dec 2016, 10:32

To those of you who (may have googled ''coop radio awful'', come across this page and) think that all I do is moan, whinge and rant about Co-Op Radio, I can only report what I hear based on what I'm spoon-fed. However, I am also a believer in giving praise when and where it is due also, so a pat on the back to the Mood computer programmer that set December 26th as the last day of Christmas hits. And put January by Pilot onto the play list in plenty of time.

So reminds me of Ed Stewart on Junior Choice does that song.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 30 Dec 2016, 18:09

I loved Stewpot. Laughing Policeman and Sparky's Magic Piano...

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 31 Dec 2016, 16:51

And the 'allo darlin' also along with the Ray Conniff take on the Seekers' Morningtown Ride for a theme tune. We lost Stewpot this year also along with Dave Cash, Wogan, JY etc.

Back on topic, R&B has to be the cheapest genre of music in the world along with simply banging spoons together. So no surprise that Mood want to bore us with this. Must be love or perhaps mediocrity on the Brian, make whatever you wish of it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aN5PdK1ZzQU

UPDATE I had overlooked Mike Smith, former R1 breakfast show presenter.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 03 Jan 2017, 07:58

Elvis (Presley that is, not Jones from no34) as well as holding the accolade as the most overrated artist in popular music ever whilst not being that artistically pleasing, has one of the most easily identifyable voices in pop music. So, why can I find no video or audio links to his song that goes ''I've got a big bouncing baby.....'', which the Moodbot has deemed as a level 5 play (every bl00dy day, sometimes twice daily)?

Unless of course the song was recorded by an Elvis impersonator, saving Mood a few bucks in royalty payments to his estate in Tennessee.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 03 Jan 2017, 18:08

First working day back after the festive season, and surely enough the humanoid DJs are back. They have recorded some more celebrity banalities but not that much in terms of offers that we need to know about as customers. And no new music policy for 2017, so business as usual then. And intermittent Happy New Year messages to customers, a good move. We could have had them yesterday and on New Years Day.....

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 06 Jan 2017, 17:36

The Happy New Year messages have been modified to include colleagues in their felicitations. Happy New Year, Co-Operative Group, Co-Operative Bank etc. But not Mood Media. For me, they cheapen and tabloidise us...and insult our intelligence on a regular basis with their unashamed repetition.

Sir Paul McCartney twice in four hours today, case in point.

You know what, I don't think that I should even continue to refer to it as Co-Operative Radio as it is non representative of the great human organisation with a wonderful history, ethical remit and top rated non-alcoholic prosecco to die for that we are. Mood Media are responsible for the chav rubbish that they have made it, they are not needed to provide in store product information as Co-op Group are more than capable of doing that without paying Mood to do it for them.

Production libraries such as KPM and Bruton Music provide a repertoire of ambient tracks that could go in between the adverts without trying to 'be' Heart Attack FM 100.7. Or better still, periods of silence in deserved with adverts, straight out of nowhere.

Until that day, I shall continue to scoff and mock the dreadful non-popular pop music that is drip fed us. Like the one by the cheapskate American outfit Orton that goes 'well there ain't no barney like the barney goin' on in my house', currently on max level play.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 06 Jan 2017, 20:10

My friend's husband is abig cheese in KPM...should I have a word?

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 07 Jan 2017, 13:39

Robot went loco today, we heard three songs twice in succession today, It Don't Come Easy by Ringo Starr, Morning In L.A by White Lies and some other testicality. Breaking new ground in repetition - and no Dan Lindsay or Lucy, they've all gone to the dogs.

We had a really wonderful piece of aural art today that went 'should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments' whilst I was mopping out the bakery. The Lament of the Lonely Catchpole.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 08 Jan 2017, 09:57

Plagerisation, another piece of supporting evidence in my theory that popular music has nowhere else to go. The Ollie Murs big seller 'Thinking Of Me' is basically a rework of Dodgy 'Good Enough', whilst the Temptations' 'My Girl' riff is the actual bridge in the shut up to my asp artwork.

I've already touched upon Robbie Williams running out of ideas so much so that he feels the need to revive an old British nursery rhyme in order to raise the capital to pay for his new fast car which is capable of breaking the UK speed limit over twice.

One of the McCartney tracks featured at work was.....Bad Penny Blues by Humph.

However, I must say I miss Charlemagne. Or Kayleigh Jane.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 09 Jan 2017, 17:51

Some new jingles for the 1000 to 1030 'Retro Years ' aka Let's Make The People Of Brexit Island Feel Very Old......

But we had a cracker today, Daryl and John 'Kiss On My List'. They can play all the Hall and Oates that their central processor desires.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 09 Jan 2017, 19:11

Gill the Piano wrote:To my shame, one of that lot comes from High Wycombe!

Leanne Pillock is her name and she is a mere cog in a scam to make lots and lots of money for Mr.Simon Cowell so he can buy himself another house, car, annuity etc.etc.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 11 Jan 2017, 18:08

After a 5am pre-spring (sounds better than w***er) early this morning, and five and a half hours exposure to 'it'., I came home feeling rotten so I had lunch, a nap and then had a glass of fruit juice with Rachmaninov's Symphony no3 in A minor. Now I feel so much better.

It's blindingly obvious that what Mood Media give us is a natural depressant and is about as good for our health and well being (not to mention our intelligence) as excessive amounts of alcohol and narcotics. And there we have the medical evidence!

And who is bl00dy Adele? Lucy Lobotomy seemed so full of enthusiasm for her private life as if it really mattered as much as how Theresa May will deliver Brexit or Donald Trump will administer the most powerful country on earth when he assumes it's Presidency?

On the positive side, we had a bit of Chicory Tip, who put Maidstone on the international map for a week or so in 1972!

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 18 Jan 2017, 13:38

Had a corker from my childhood today, Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas, which I loved as a 4 year old, but which was banned from our house along with all other Black artists by my mother.

As was Bill Withers, the more I listen to his stuff, the more I like him, we had two from him in as many hours.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 18 Jan 2017, 15:57

Your mum must have been more au fait with artists than I was - I never knew Bill Withers was black until a few years ago. Not that I cared either; I like his music but 'Lovely Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay' has me reaching for my inhaler!

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 18 Jan 2017, 18:16

Withers actually holds that note for eighteen seconds, he's obviously had classical voice training.

We also had Small Town Boy by Bronski Beat on the 10am 'Retro Years' ('Making the UK feel extremely old') and a rap based upon Just Be Good To Me by the SOS Band (it wasn't Dub Be Good To Me by Beats International from 89) along with the usual repetitive garb. The Little Mix song was the first one I heard when I started at 0630 this morning, quite a big step from the solo cello work I was listening to on Radio 3 whilst driving in.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 23 Jan 2017, 14:13

This morning's Retro Year (hoping sincerely that I haven't misused the apostrophe) was 1983 and we had in the 'mix' the artist formerly known as Prince when he was actually known as Prince singing a song that I thought as a 13 year old was about an old boiler. But in the interests of being divided by a common language, 'Little Red Corvette' refers to a make of car.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 23 Jan 2017, 19:26

Never liked The Artist Formerly Known As Squiggle. Hugely overrated.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 23 Jan 2017, 20:04

A bit like pop music in general really, which is why I'm as sceptical of it as I am. If it's popular, it's usually no bl00dy good.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 24 Jan 2017, 17:20

Correct. It's so samey now - and god forbid they should have any comedy songs in the charts now...not sure there's such a thing as humour in music any more. Not intentional, anyway.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 24 Jan 2017, 18:22

It's not so much the humour. It is the fact that popular music treats its audience like unintelligent morons - however we can choose to turn the rubbish off and put something a little more suitable on. That is of course if you don't get it rammed down your throats by somebody who merely thinks you like it without asking you first. A live recording of the Haffner Symphony whilst driving through kilometres of dense freezing fog and darkness this morning set me up for five hours exposure to the audio annoyance.

I mean, you know EXACTLY what is coming next with pop music. There are no surprises whatsoever. Anybody (including myself) can sing along with it, but hey, what else can you do!

I'm beginning to think that (anti rock-and-roll jazz musician) Benny Green had a very valid reasoning scheme in his criticisms of the genre. And today, Prince twice in 5 hours, U Got The Look and some other cacaphonous tripe.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 25 Jan 2017, 19:16

So back to the Winston Smith-ish dissidence. Today's Retro Year was 1969 and we had nothing but British No1s from that year, I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Thunderclap Newman (who was in fact the piano player not the bloke who sang Something In the Air), Sugar Sugar, the late Peter Sarstedt etc. Yesterday was 1971, and the Tams were offered to us. Are they now going to play nothing but UK chart toppers from the respective years in their bid to convince us that there is, as the Sex Pistols so bluntly put it 'no future' and we have to look to the past (as the USA did on one day last November) as Elysium is behind, not in front of us.

Talking of Donald Trump.......my heart almost skipped a beat when Dan and Lindsay mentioned that there has indeed been some momentous goings on politically in America....my ears perked up, at last, a genuine topical discussion on something that affects the whole wide world, you'd think Dan would be the liberal and Lindsay the conservative.

Stupid me. They were more interested in informing us of something that we did not wish to hear......a trivial fantasy of the surviving ex-Presidents playing a game of tenpin bowling in the bowling alley in the Trump Presidential Residence and Luxury Hotel in Trumpsville, DC. Now when I wore a younger man's cravat, I was given an essential piece of advice, that is don't talk about something you know nothing about, and offer an opinion on something you've tried or done rather than simply read about. I rather suspect the Mood Lobotomy Twins can take this advice on board, somehow.

They tried to direct the ongoing Southern Rail dispute earlier this week.....ACAS indisposed?

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 26 Jan 2017, 15:35

Brand new low this morning from Mood. Well, to be correct, trying to give the whole of Brexit Island a low on a chilly winter's morning.

To explain. Being a miserable little (censored) is one thing. Amassing a huge amount of private capital and a business empire from being a miserable little (censored) is something else. Mr. Stephen Patrick Morrissey, I mean you.

I do not wish to hear There is A Light That Never Goes Out first thing in the morning at 6.35am when all I can think about is bed. Fortunately sanity came to the rescue in the former of 'Morning' from the first Peer Gynt suite on the car radio which was ringing in my ears not to allow the Smiths to spoil things.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 27 Jan 2017, 18:05

I will never understand the appeal of Morrisey...miserable little ****** indeed.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 01 Feb 2017, 20:59

These long runs of earlies are cream crackering me out.

Lindsay let on her age today, she is 42. About time she thought of applying for a job on Radio 2.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 02 Feb 2017, 17:17

Old enough to know better, too...

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 02 Feb 2017, 17:43

If only I were music policy editor of Co-Operative Radio, with the passwords to all the computers, ooh, the changes I'd make for the better.

Number 1. More unsigned artists.

Here's one of the fifty tunes on the Mood robot that I always thought was done by Belinda Carlisle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8uc7c0HZuc

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 04 Feb 2017, 20:54

Another dose of Rhinestone Cowboy this morning. That old chestnut from Petula Clark is on their playlist, you know the one, it goes 'as you sail across the sea, oh my love be there to guide you, in Capri or Amsterdam, on the loo loo or Siam'. I had that on a Best of Family Favourites LP. Sunday lunchtimes are not the same without Michael Aspel or Jean Challis!

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 05 Feb 2017, 15:45

Or Jimmy Clitheroe or Leslie Phillips...

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 05 Feb 2017, 18:11

It was one of these 'The World Of....' albums on Decca, they had dozens of T.W.O Your Hundred Best Tunes titles but this T.W.O Family Favourites had lots of curios, like Gilbert Becaud 'A Little Love and Understanding', Mantovani's take on Hugo Alfven's Swedish Rhapsody and the Third Man theme by Anton Karas (zither).

That's four tracks (minus the Petula one) I can remember without having to use Discogs:

https://www.discogs.com/Various-The-Wor ... se/3674626

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 07 Feb 2017, 18:32

I still have T.W.O.The Goons somewhere!

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 07 Feb 2017, 19:21

I actually miss Family Favourites. My mother used to work in the NAAFI set up at the British Forces base in Dhekelia, Cyprus before she made a very bad decision and had me. Every week she would listen and whenever her old BFPO number was mentioned her ears would prick up.

For me it was the only time when I was at home that we'd listen on the radiogram. It was always get the housework done all ready to plug in and get the valve warmed up for 12.00 and With A Song In My Heart. By then, the Light Programme had already been abolished, and Family Favourites went out on 1500 metres long wave and VHF only (our radiogram didn't have VHF) whilst Jimmy Savile's old record show was on Radio 1 (247 metres medium wave).

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 11 Feb 2017, 15:15

A first today, we had Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex before the store even opened today. What a load of poffle indeed!

My boss questioned me today as to why I had not heard of Bruno Mars (a chav pop celebrity being). I quick wittedly replied I had heard of Bruno Uranus.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 11 Feb 2017, 18:03

Heard of him, but couldn't tell you what he sings. If singing is what he does.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 11 Feb 2017, 19:06

I hadn't, or his peers until I got the job there. Ollie Murs, Little Mix, Big Mix, medium sized Mix, Ollie Mars, Cold play, Hot play, Lukewarm play, Black Eyed Peas, Pink Eyed Broad Beans, oh, give me Haydn any day.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 24 Feb 2017, 17:39

Was in Asda earlier. Their offering is a hundred times worse than ours.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 24 Feb 2017, 18:12

Ooo, must be bad. Like the HSBC bank or worse?

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 25 Feb 2017, 08:55

Yes. It's the aural equivalent of the Daily Star or Sun newspapers.

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 25 Feb 2017, 19:48

If it were paper it'd be hanging in the Throne Room, you mean.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 28 Feb 2017, 19:32

Back to that dreadful cacophonous succession of chav dirges in the morning. ..

Post by **Gill the Piano** » 01 Mar 2017, 17:25

Have you considered earplugs? Or are you required to interact with Joe Public who might take a dim view of having to shriek at you?

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 01 Mar 2017, 18:08

Strictly verboten in customer service. However, I wish there wasn't a speaker right above where I work. Asking me if I'd had my first cup of tea of the day at 1050 this morning.

dave brum · Post by **dave brum** » 02 Mar 2017, 20:11

St.Davids Day offers today (not sure shoppers in Essex or Kent will be that interested in those) still being plugged, one day late or 364 days early.

'Ive discovered we get the same announcement from Dan and Lindsay at 10.35am as we do at 7am. One step nearer to understanding how Mood Media work.