Anecdote corner

[dave brum]

I gather D H Lawrence's most famous work has been translated into Welsh and re-titled 'Lady Chatterley's Llyfr'.

[Gill the Piano]

Can't top that...

[dave brum]

The 'to pee or not to pee, that is the question' in the Gents in Stratford-upon-Avon comes a close second.

One from Serrell's Twitter, community poster in Malvern Waitrose for the 'Malvern Hills Conservators', man looks at it and snarls 'bloody Tories'...

[Gill the Piano]

I changed a tuning appointment to accommodate a Russian lesson and Madam said 'Do you have to learn to read acrylic?'

[dave brum]

That, I believe is known as a malapropism. In one of her books, Linda Smith refers to how her mother enjoyed her caricatures in the Italian restaurant. She possibly meant cacciatore. I always think of that whenever I come across accaccitura

[Gill the Piano]

A customer in the 80s was extremely proud of her 'd*ldo rail' in the dining room.

[dave brum]

Ray Moore on Radio 2 used to talk about going into hospital and going on a sirloin drip.

[Gill the Piano]

I used to love his prog...

[Nutroast]

Apparently, Nicky Campbell on "The Big Question" said "The virgin birth is inconceivable".

[Nutroast]

Someone I 'knew' online who was expecting a baby and there was an old wive's tale that you could take castor oil to aid the birth, her mother advised her to take Castrol xx

[dave brum]

Withnail quotes are often touted but Ray Moore ones need to be revived. The twelve year old policeman, 'Reggie' music, Boghole Clough, 'Management' doing the hoovering on a Sunday afternoon whilst Alan Dell is on, the Scouse hymn 'nun danket' (said in broad Liverpudlian), Scallies In Need...oh and that song he used to sing

'My Father had a Rabbit and he thought it was a Duck'
'So he stuck it on the table with his legs cocked up'
'It won a silver medal and it won a silver cup for sitting on the table with its legs cocked up'
'My father had a budgie and he thought it was a rat'
'So he dipped it in the mustard'
'And he fed it to the cat'

The versions going the rounds on YT that got into the charts are NOT the original versions.

[dave brum]

Some silly football pundit was on Match of the Day and said that scoring five goals was better than scoring seven. Another reason why football and everything that surrounds it is complete and utter cr@p.

[Gill the Piano]

Someone I 'knew' online who was expecting a baby and there was an old wive's tale that you could take castor oil to aid the birth, her mother advised her to take Castrol xx

It would ease the birth considerably...as long as someone was around to catch the sprog as it flew out!

ALL sport sounds like c*bblers to me - I never know what they're on about. After a conversation with a friend, all sport is now referred to as 'fannying about'.

[dave brum]

Ray Moore again, he used to mention what he called 'games of sport' with titles a bit leftfield to downright wacky. International Pro-Celebrity Formation Hide and Seek, or Nude High-Wire Five a Side Monopoly sort of thing. John Inverdale used to do the sports bulletins at the time (whom RM called 'the Inverarie bird') and on many occasions Inverdale would end his bulletin with something like the British cross country barefoot under 21 dominoes team were knocked out once again.

[dave brum]

In Waitrose, the floral displays are usually put in silver coloured buckets with water in them but last night in our local branch (Harborne), for Mothering Sunday they had some lovely bunches of hyacinths in one of the buckets. If I'd had taken a picture and posted it on Twatter under the title 'Hyacinth Bucket' I would have got a few retweets by now....

[dave brum]

When I was working up in Shrewsbury one day in the early 90s, one man came in and asked me if I knew the way to 'B@llock and Bosom'. I said I'd never heard of the place, turns out he meant Bullock and Bosson, the office equipment wholesalers. At that time I'd not heard of Bullock and Bosson either but I thought it was an extremely funny name!

[gizzy]

When I was working up in Shrewsbury one day in the early 90s, one man came in and asked me if I knew the way to 'B@llock and Bosom'. I said I'd never heard of the place, turns out he meant Bullock and Bosson, the office equipment wholesalers. At that time I'd not heard of Bullock and Bosson either but I thought it was an extremely funny name!

I'm convinced there used to be a garage near where my dad lived in Glos called Pollock & Puttock, but I've just tried googling for it and not found it.

[dave brum]

At least good old Doolittle and Dalley estate agents are still going, possibly on the strength of their name alone:

http://doolittle-dalley.co.uk/

[Gill the Piano]

Do you think it's the law that when you qualify as a solicitor or estate agent you have to change your name to something preposterous?

[dave brum]

Without a doubt, or double one of the names to imply a sense of family values, such as Pratley Pratley and Snape.

[dave brum]

According to a tweet that was posted this morning, the annual 'Stations of the Cross' service takes place today at my local Church. I've been to one a few years ago but absolutely no mention of Kings, Charing, or both.

[dave brum]

I remember when I was in the Cub Scouts, how overjoyed my mother was when I came home and told her I wanted to do my naturalist badge, all other members of the family were told I was getting my naturist badge.

[Gill the Piano]

I told my mum I was going to stay in a big old house in Kent with the Sunday school mob. 'Knowle house?' she asked.''I TOLD you it was an ol' house!' I said.

[dave brum]

We did something on the digestive system in the last year of the junior school and we learned about the functions of the oesophagus, stomach and duodenum. When my redneck grandmother came to pick me up from school in the afternoon, I told her about the duodenum, and with that she turned to the other redneck woman in the bus queue and said 'see, he knows about his udenals'. I told her that it was duodenum, not udenals and she said 'ooh our Dave, yoh'm clevva, ay ya?'

Yes I am.

[dave brum]

Just having a ponder on this one; if the ancestors of Schumann were shoemakers, were those of Telemann television repairmen?

[Gill the Piano]

And what on earth did Scheidt's antecedents do?

[dave brum]

And what on earth did Scheidt's antecedents do?

Lavatory attendants?

[Gill the Piano]

[dave brum]

As was Ludwig Schytte.

[dave brum]

En route to my piano lesson this morning, the opening section of Thomas Tallis' 40 part choral work Spem In Alium was on the radio. Apparently, the work was quoted in a recent novel which has sold very well indeed entitled 'Fifty Shades Of Grey'. In other words, it's not a very cultured and informed read.

Given the more than slightly cheeky nature of the publication in question, shouldn't the work be re-released as Sperm In Aluminum?

[Gill the Piano]

That's how my friend referred to it after singing it at Eton chapel one year. He waved the huge score at me and said 'Look, it's like a bloody atlas...except I was never quite sure where I was...'

[dave brum]

Tennis elbow. Clinically kown as gerulaitis.